There’s no better analogy than a roller coaster ride to explain life after marriage. The ups and downs, twists and turns; all of them are there in a typical marriage. One of such twist is a new member being added to your family. As much as it is a blessing, it has got its own price to be paid.
A baby affects the life of everyone around it, both, personal and social. With all the short episodes of joys and happiness, it brings long dues of sleepless nights and other such energy-draining tasks. And as a result, it changes the love life you used to share with your spouse. Well, I’ve got good news, there are solutions which may smooth the bumps if not completely straighten them.
Before we talk about the solutions, let’s discuss the problems that need to be solved.
1. Lack of communication.
Communication is the most effective way to express our needs and desires. But the “We” time you shared with your significant other has to be given to your child who demands constant attention. This causes an unmet emotional and physical need in either or both of you paving ways for arguments or feeling ignored.
SOLUTION- Take help in attending to the child. Grandparents, in-laws or siblings can be quite a rescue here. They get their time with the cute member of the family to enjoy while you get a recess to spend with your “babe”. Plan dates with your partner to get intimate or just a movie or whatever you both agree on. Refrain from discussing the baby or family, focus on each other.
2. Change in Personality and Opinions.
There’s a subconscious realization of the duties and responsibilities that come with parenthood, and everyone has their individual way of dealing with them or executing them. It also brings subtle changes in behaviours of both parents, they have contrasting opinions about certain things such as feeding the kid, allowing the child to play or nap at certain place or time, and many such situations. This may lead to arguments or inefficiency in handling the kid.
SOLUTION- You should each take turns trying out your methods and deal with the consequences of your own application. For instance, if you feel your kid needs to sleep on certain times throughout the day instead of any time it gets sleepy, but your partner insists otherwise; you should let him/her apply the method but then deal with the consequence of staying up with the playful kid through the night. Then agree over the most efficient method.
3. Loss of Personal Space and Time.
Kids demand time, attention, affection and patience; since they are learning, understanding, discovering. They need undivided supervision and guidance every moment or one skip could have us find them in trouble. But this drains your energy and enthusiasm, you need some time to recharge and relax; more than you ever needed. But unfortunately, you find yourself none. This affects your ability to function properly, you get stressed and then issues start rising in a cascade.
SOLUTION- Use the time of the child’s afternoon nap as your recreational time, or the solution for problem number 1 can be effective here too. For a good love life, it’s important to pamper yourself sometimes as it is to spend time with your husband/wife. Best use of your time might be some meditation since all that patience you require does not come easy.
4. You talk less to argue more.
Feeling overburdened with the daily duties and that of the kid leaves you feeling helpless and cheated in sharing the burden. It’s often the mother who finds herself in this situation and thus may get bitter in the conversations or behaviour. This causes escalated dialogues and arguments with no useful outcome.
SOLUTION- The proper way to deal with this is to ask for the help you need instead of bickering about your problems. Split responsibilities, take turns with attending to the baby and doing chores. If your partner is unable to express their dilemma, you should rephrase it for them and provide them with the solution. Learn to thank each other for assistance and tasks completed even if it is not due. This creates a reward winning for efforts given situation and thus makes them volunteer for future assistance.